Help

I realized today after twisting both my ankles today that I hate needing and accepting help. I have got to work on that. I know it's not rational, but maybe it is somewhat rational since I just hate to be the center of attention. But it's also a lot more than that, I think I hate to admit that things are a problem in the first place. I wouldn't let people see the scratches the concrete had made on one of my feet, simply for the sounds I knew would come out of their mouths. Something about that 'awww, Jamie!' makes me cringe. Very few of my friends know that my Dad passed away this May, and forget my acquaintances when it comes to that. I'm quite the private person. But I need to become strong enough to ask for help when I need it.

YES!

I just scored a Wool and Water paper doll set that I thought had sold out awhile ago! Check them out:

Becoming More Awesome.

So, here's the deal. I weigh 30o pounds, have acne, and am tired and depressed all the time. I have gained 80 pounds this year. I went to an appointment at student health today to get some test results and basically the nurse practitioner told me that my symptoms weren't all my fault and that she was going to order a bunch of tests, and put me on medicine and after that I can get better. I can turn this f***ed up life I'm having around and become a normal person. It's going to take a lot of work, but I'll be better! After the last appointment I'd been to in the same place where I was basically diagnosed with the Freshman 15, this was just the thing I needed. I was so frustrated. She got me to admit that it was all becoming a bit too overwhelming, and got me to decide to go to counseling, so the practitioner I saw today was worlds better than the first one. She used the F word which I really appreciated. It turns out that Student Health isn't evil, the practitioner I saw is. She just did not listen to me at all. But, it's good now. Things can be different, and I have not given up yet. I don't know why, with all the problems I have had, why I didn't just give up completely already. I really don't know where it comes from, but I still have some fight left in me. I can be a totally different person, and it's not going to come quickly or easily but I CAN definitely have the things I want and deserve.

I feel like this is 'just fine' as a style blog, but I have problems and writing about them is making this so much easier to me. Who knows, maybe you can relate. So, this is going to me a 'me becoming more awesome' blog too, and if you have a problem about me writing about my real problems, then don't read it. Capiche?

40's Bridal Bouquet

Most gorgeous bridal bouquet ever:

This is $45 on Etsy. Perfect in every way! It's from the 40s, lilies of the valley, perfect condition, clean, and the ribbon doesn't even need to be replaced! I think it would go just perfectly with my HL set and the J.Crew shoes I chopped up last week. I think I'll go ahead and buy it! :-)

kind of a bad thing to do..

So, buying rare designer pieces and harvesting the fabric from them so your dream dress will fit you is wrong, right?

The virgin skirt I sacrificed to have my set fit me:

I bought this on eBay about a week ago. At first I thought that it was a fake because it's so different from MY HL skirt, but I emailed a woman who works at HL and she told me it was a real piece. And let me insist, they're VERY different. Length, construction, etc. The only thing similar about them is that they are made with the same fabric. So, it doesn't really deserve to live, and I don't feel like a bad person for chopping it up. All I've done so far is take the center seam off the back along with the zipper, leaving the 15 horizontal strips of fabric still sewn together. I'm just going to add the long ones to the back adjacent to the back seam/zipper combination that both pieces have going on. The good thing is that I can line them up and the pieces will still seem to go together. When it's a highly coveted HL set, you take what you can get, and I got it in XS. I'm a medium. I figured out that both pieces needed 6 inches added, so three one inch 'bands' on each side. It's good that HL pieces are so mathematically sound, because it makes getting this set to fit that much easier. The other awesome thing is that there are only back seams on HL pieces, so you will only be able to tell that it's been altered from the back! I'll have to add some beads to the sides of the lines of beads at the bust and move shoulder pieces over, but after that it's all mine!

Perfect Shoes

These are my perfect wedding shoes:

Simple, sexy, and made with Italian silk! They were originally 225, but I got them for 40.

They looked like this originally:

I slipped the ankle strap out of the t strap and used a craft knife to remove the top and bottom straps. The inspiration for this little project was of course Diane Kruger's lovely shoes she wore to the Inglourious Basterds premiere:

Oh, and did I mention I'm wearing my Herve Leger and my shoes when I get married?